Turning Frustration to Inspiration

radiant underpainting for a landscape

I was mixing the oil paint for the clouds of the landscape painting I was working on. I recently learned how to play around with cool and warm colors. A landscape painting is like a clamshell. The top and bottom parts of the painting should look closer to the viewer, while the middle part appears farther away. With color temperature, the warm color makes the object closer while the cool colors make things appear farther. 

As I started with my brush strokes, I noticed that I was just making a mess with the clouds. It doesn't look as smooth as I want it to be. I tried to mix other colors -- maybe a little purple, some blues, pink, orange, more white in some areas.

subtractive glazing

I looked at it again. "No, this is not what I wanted", I uttered.

I decided to stop painting for the day. I needed to wait for the oil paint to dry anyway before I could add another layer.

I cleaned my brushes and my palette. Then I kept the paints in their respective boxes. I like it when my things are clean and organized.

The easel with my landscape canvas stayed in the living room where I painted.

Days, weeks, and months had passed. I was still looking at the painting where it left off. I could still see the clouds that don't look nice in my eyes. I felt disappointed in myself because it's not how I want it to be.

Every day, I can see the painting where it was months ago. It's a frustrating scene. It makes me feel that I wasn't good enough as an artist.

One day a friend visited me in my apartment. He saw the painting I was working on and I started explaining that it wasn't finished yet. I was defending myself why it doesn't look nice even though he wasn't asking anything about it.

When my friend left, I looked at the painting again. It's been months and it still looks the way it was before. I didn't touch my paintbrush again to continue working on the painting. I hit my stopping point.

A few days later, I took my painting materials again. I wore my apron which I use when I'm painting so my clothes don't get dirty with paint. I lined up the paints I needed to use on my palette. This time, I cleared my heart and my head. I took a deep breath. I just want to go with the flow and accept whatever the painting would look like.

I started mixing the colors, minding the color temperatures. I was imagining what the clouds look like above the mountains. It has a combination of different subtle colors. I was imagining cotton -- its softness and delicateness.

After a while, I looked at the painting again. I was astonished by what I saw.

landscape no.1

"I loved it!" I gasped.

I like how the clouds turned out. It looks smooth, the colors go well with each other, and it has depth. Then a smile formed on my lips. I finally finished painting a landscape. I realized that it took me so many months to get back to it.

I showed the photo of my new painting to my colleagues. I was surprised when one of them said that he liked how the clouds looked. In my mind, I put a lot of effort into making it look beautiful and it feels bewildering when someone appreciates that part.

That’s when I realized that I should trust the process more. It may not turn out perfectly the first time, but I need to keep going until I achieve the desired results. It doesn’t have to be perfect at all either. I only need to make progress. Every little step would bring me closer to the results I wanted. 

Instead of getting succumbed by frustration, I turn the situation around and think of it as an opportunity to improve myself. Thinking about a better version of myself inspires me to do better. 

So now, whenever I feel frustrated for not doing something right the first time, I acknowledge myself for trying and remind myself that it’s okay even if it’s not perfect. The important thing is I keep showing up and keep practicing.

If you're in a place right now where you're frustrated of the results of something that you're working on -- know this: you're not alone. Keep showing up even when it feels hard. Every effort you put into something can often turn into something beautiful.